Full news coverage

Posted on May 16, 2011
"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything."
~ win borden

All right so, a quick update. A little over a week ago my at home pregnancy test showed two lines. This was only our second month trying clomid, so we are thrilled that it both worked, and that we won't have to move up to more costly measures. We have told most friends and family already, but not at work yet as we have not yet been able to confirm that it is a "normal growing pregnancy" as my doctor put it. I'm only 6 weeks along now.

I had my first ultrasound a few days ago, which confirmed that I was pregnant (by viewing my lining thickness and my corpus luteum… physical indicators of being pregnant). We also saw the "yolk sac" … to be exact, the doctor saw TWO sacs! This may be in indication that we are having twins! However, whatever is inside these sacs was too small yet to see, so there's still a lot of worrying and nervousness going on. My next ultrasound is in four and half days (one week after the first one).

Some people have cautioned that I may be announcing this too early. If something were to happen with this pregnancy, I would want to announce that as well, and know that I'm not alone and not "hiding" it. It's true that I have my husband for support, but… I'm not the type of person who can simply hide their emotions for a month until the risks are lower. Perhaps that can also be viewed as selfish too. Anyway, I chose to announce it… I already started by talking about the clomid, I might as well give this thing full news coverage. :)

Edit: Oh! I also wanted to mention that we've already received some baby gifts that we are very thankful for. Probably most importantly were the blankets and the bottle (and advice!) from my oldest sister Kim (which was also advice that our other sister Lisa had passed on to her). Both of my sisters have been happy for me and helpful, telling me not to worry and making sure I'm doing things right.

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Quick update…

Posted on March 5, 2011

ClomidThe pill in the photo is called Clomid (you can read about it here). As my husband and I have been trying for over a year to have children, with no luck, my doctor has perscribed me these pills which should -hopefully- help me ovulate. There's a slightly increased risk of multiples when taking clomid, which is actually a good thing for us, as we were kind of hoping for twins. I'm just hoping it works, period.

My next major post will be a supplement to a youtube video that I made some time ago. It will be about studying Japanese (focusing on the area of self study and using manga as a study aide). I'll feature a lot of the texts and tools I personally use, as well as offer techniques for people at different stages in their learning.

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All Growed Up

Posted on February 25, 2011
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
~ e. e. cummings

Imagine that sound of bassy, echoey drums being rolled. Not like a sharp, snappy, magician or comedian drum roll; More the tribal rolling of drums, as if something epic or meaningful is about to happen. This is what I imagine would sound in the distance, in the movie of my life, when I reach a major turning point.

To anyone over the age of 16, I think the idea of a maturity turning point should be fairly obvious. What is not immediately obvious to the teenager might be that life is full of these. They keep on happening. So as I mentioned, usually the first noticeable (that isn't to say this would be the first, but maybe… the first major) maturity turning point happens for the teenager who is hovering around the topic of their first time having sex.

Unfortunately, this can happen sooner or later than someone might wish… but either way, sex is usually a turning point (or the catalyst of a turning point to come -no pun intended), even if it turns a person in the wrong direction. From there you start thinking of relationships as much more important, and permanent than you used to. Most people step up into high school just a little less petty and foolish than they were in middle school.

As you move through graduation, and college, and your first job, and your first time being fired from a job, your first big breakup maybe… you keep facing up to this maturity thing. Every time you turn a corner there's a new epiphany making you grow up just a little bit more. You maybe sigh and go "Oh crap, what an idiot… well ok, here we go again, the right way this time."

I'm on my way to age 30, just a few more months now (10 to be exact). Seems like sex is stirring up a new turning point for me. My turning point now is realizing that in order to reach my next life goal, I must change the way I think about myself, completely. This is not to imply that I would lose myself, but rather I have to modify how I think and behave and picture myself (no more stressing about what size jeans I have to fit into). My goal is to have my first child. For the past few years I've been gearing up for it, and for the past whole year my husband and I have been actively planning, preparing (mentally and financially), and trying for this.

In my preparation I realized things, one by one in small bite-sized epiphanies. I had to drop some thing out of my life. Some things I enjoy (caffeine! oh god, caffeine!) and even some things that I thought defined me (my slightly high-strung, argumentative nature *ahem*), can be hazardous to this future child I'd like to bare. Within the last few days I realized that for the next good while -if I do get pregnant- my body will no longer belong solely to me. It will house my child for the better part of a year, and then feed my child beyond that. From there my daily energies, wants, and needs become my child's needs above and before my own.

I'm ready for this, but as I said, I only just realized I have to seriously redefine what I feel is important, and start thinking of the child first, even before I get pregnant. My body needs to be full of vitamins, my health and mind need to be in harmony, by finances and relationships all need to be calm and in order. Above all, I need to really analyze and prepare for all of my routines to change and morph as I go through all of this. The bright point for me is how rewarding I know this will ultimately be, and those drastic changes don't have to be a forever thing either. I also can relax on the knowledge that my husband will be free to care about my needs as I go about sacrificing things for the child's needs in body and mind.

I guess the biggest thing was that, as I picture myself as a mother instead of a young upstart, I look at things I used to care about, or make a big deal about and I scoff at how petty they now seem. So here I am, right on the cusp of my next step of maturity, and it feels damn good, actually. I feel a lot of relief, that's always the reward you get from growing up. You take on new scary responsibilities, but you're armed with the permission to grow up, you're not in the dark anymore, the confidence builds up behind you and that relaxes you.

It's like an "ah ha!" moment. Even just writing this out, gives me cause to stop, sigh, and smile.

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New Places

Posted on February 21, 2011
"I'm an adaptable nomad. My roots are inside of me."
~ julie delpy

I think everyone, in some capacity, enjoys exploring a new place. For example I've visited France and Japan, and of course loved every minute of it. Even sitting in a hotel room in a new place can make a person bristle with excitement. Not everyone, however, can fully enjoy separating themselves from what is comfortable and familiar while striking out into a new place. Many people, I think, would like to remain somehow tethered to the old places while exploring the new. While I can understand that feeling, it's just not for me.

I can become extremely stagnant and uncomfortable when I have been in one place for too long. When I am in a new place (but know I'm going back to the old place) I feel like I can't completely, 100%, enjoy myself and relax. The idea that "this is going to end soon" is always gnawing around in the back of my mind. Now, moving to a new place, that's different. The mere prospect is like a ball of fire in your chest (warm, stimulating, exciting), and if you stay in one place too long it cools and hardens, and then sits there like a lump weighing you down. I know I'm not alone on this.

I've lived in several places in the United States. In my adult life, the notable places are: Michigan (where I grew up), Tennessee (only for two years), and California. Each of these three places have been wildly different, and sufficiently stroked my predilection for that ball of fire associated with "moving on" and "starting fresh." Along with being satiating and building me up, each place also wore me down in different ways, each with varying degrees of coarseness. In that respect, moving around a lot can "polish" a person.

With that, I have to say, my nomadic urges are spurring me on once again. I'd love to live in a new place. Some way or another, Seattle ended up in my crosshairs. Ever since getting the idea of Seattle in my head, any mention of the name sets my heart aflutter. Any pictures or articles about the place inspire a vague arousal. Hahaha… yea, weird huh? So that's what's in my head, it's kind of like a crush, sort of an… "Ok wow… this is enticing, but geez, I like, barely know anything about this Seattle… what if it doesn't like me?"

Haha… right?

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Obligatory Introductions…

Posted on February 20, 2011
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
~ e. e. cummings

My name is Lynn (also known as natsuki or natsukigirl online, I also sometimes go by the moniker tokirocket or riotalice). As of writing this post I am a 29-year-old web developer girl (oh come on, let me be a girl just for a little while longer, hey?), living near Los Angeles, California with my programmer husband Darrell and two female cats, Lydia (tortie) and Pyper (tabby). My current goal in life is to start my family (see also: produce demon spawn). We've been trying for about a year (we even have our names picked out; Parker for a girl, and Elliot or Benjamin for a boy), but apparently one of the reasons it's taking so long is we haven't been "timing things right"... who knew sex was so hard?

I've been online since the age of 12, and have been a web-designer for almost just as long. When I first discovered fan-made anime websites I immediately wanted to create one of my own, for the series Sailormoon. My father handed me a book about HTML and told me that if I learned to hand-code and planned out my website, that he would get me a domain name. That domain is sweetusagi.com (I haven't updated it in several years, and I'm currently in the process of moving it over to my new server). I do not remember what life was like before computers, manga, and the internet.

I am most well known online for being an extremely avid ( some may say, elitist ^^;; ) Japanese manga (comic books) collector. I heavily promote the idea of collecting and reading manga in it's original language (enjoy them the way the artist originally intended) and thusly I enjoy promoting the learning of the Japanese language whenever possible. I myself have been studying Japanese both casually and formally since the age of 13. Although I can easily enjoy the manga I collect, and find it fairly simple to articulate myself in Japanese online, a recent trip to Japan showed me that I shouldn't be so cocky to claim any real fluency. I hope to remedy this in the coming years as I would like to raise my children with a strong knowledge of Japanese in addition to native English.

I'm also fairly well know in Japanese music circles as the girl who made yuki.girlyrock.com. (The girlyrock site is also temporarily down as I'm moving to a new server)

Besides manga I also collect and photograph Japanese and Korean fashion dolls ( 着せ替え人形 ). Some examples of dolls I collect would be; Takara Neo Blythe dolls (Japanese Blythe doll modeled after the 1972 vintage Blythe doll by Kenner), Takara Licca-chan, Sekiguchi Momoko, and a variety of ball-jointed (articulated resin) dolls from Latidoll, Fairyland, Luts, and Volks... among others.

The goal of this blog is to regain my blogging legs and actually write something useful, about hobbies and life... a far cry from the ten long years of petty personal blogging I did in my youth and young adult years. I hope to be both edifying and entertaining with my writing here. Thank you for visiting. :)

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