Full news coverage

Posted on May 16, 2011
"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything."
~ win borden

All right so, a quick update. A little over a week ago my at home pregnancy test showed two lines. This was only our second month trying clomid, so we are thrilled that it both worked, and that we won't have to move up to more costly measures. We have told most friends and family already, but not at work yet as we have not yet been able to confirm that it is a "normal growing pregnancy" as my doctor put it. I'm only 6 weeks along now.

I had my first ultrasound a few days ago, which confirmed that I was pregnant (by viewing my lining thickness and my corpus luteum… physical indicators of being pregnant). We also saw the "yolk sac" … to be exact, the doctor saw TWO sacs! This may be in indication that we are having twins! However, whatever is inside these sacs was too small yet to see, so there's still a lot of worrying and nervousness going on. My next ultrasound is in four and half days (one week after the first one).

Some people have cautioned that I may be announcing this too early. If something were to happen with this pregnancy, I would want to announce that as well, and know that I'm not alone and not "hiding" it. It's true that I have my husband for support, but… I'm not the type of person who can simply hide their emotions for a month until the risks are lower. Perhaps that can also be viewed as selfish too. Anyway, I chose to announce it… I already started by talking about the clomid, I might as well give this thing full news coverage. :)

Edit: Oh! I also wanted to mention that we've already received some baby gifts that we are very thankful for. Probably most importantly were the blankets and the bottle (and advice!) from my oldest sister Kim (which was also advice that our other sister Lisa had passed on to her). Both of my sisters have been happy for me and helpful, telling me not to worry and making sure I'm doing things right.

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Quick update…

Posted on March 5, 2011

ClomidThe pill in the photo is called Clomid (you can read about it here). As my husband and I have been trying for over a year to have children, with no luck, my doctor has perscribed me these pills which should -hopefully- help me ovulate. There's a slightly increased risk of multiples when taking clomid, which is actually a good thing for us, as we were kind of hoping for twins. I'm just hoping it works, period.

My next major post will be a supplement to a youtube video that I made some time ago. It will be about studying Japanese (focusing on the area of self study and using manga as a study aide). I'll feature a lot of the texts and tools I personally use, as well as offer techniques for people at different stages in their learning.

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All Growed Up

Posted on February 25, 2011
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
~ e. e. cummings

Imagine that sound of bassy, echoey drums being rolled. Not like a sharp, snappy, magician or comedian drum roll; More the tribal rolling of drums, as if something epic or meaningful is about to happen. This is what I imagine would sound in the distance, in the movie of my life, when I reach a major turning point.

To anyone over the age of 16, I think the idea of a maturity turning point should be fairly obvious. What is not immediately obvious to the teenager might be that life is full of these. They keep on happening. So as I mentioned, usually the first noticeable (that isn't to say this would be the first, but maybe… the first major) maturity turning point happens for the teenager who is hovering around the topic of their first time having sex.

Unfortunately, this can happen sooner or later than someone might wish… but either way, sex is usually a turning point (or the catalyst of a turning point to come -no pun intended), even if it turns a person in the wrong direction. From there you start thinking of relationships as much more important, and permanent than you used to. Most people step up into high school just a little less petty and foolish than they were in middle school.

As you move through graduation, and college, and your first job, and your first time being fired from a job, your first big breakup maybe… you keep facing up to this maturity thing. Every time you turn a corner there's a new epiphany making you grow up just a little bit more. You maybe sigh and go "Oh crap, what an idiot… well ok, here we go again, the right way this time."

I'm on my way to age 30, just a few more months now (10 to be exact). Seems like sex is stirring up a new turning point for me. My turning point now is realizing that in order to reach my next life goal, I must change the way I think about myself, completely. This is not to imply that I would lose myself, but rather I have to modify how I think and behave and picture myself (no more stressing about what size jeans I have to fit into). My goal is to have my first child. For the past few years I've been gearing up for it, and for the past whole year my husband and I have been actively planning, preparing (mentally and financially), and trying for this.

In my preparation I realized things, one by one in small bite-sized epiphanies. I had to drop some thing out of my life. Some things I enjoy (caffeine! oh god, caffeine!) and even some things that I thought defined me (my slightly high-strung, argumentative nature *ahem*), can be hazardous to this future child I'd like to bare. Within the last few days I realized that for the next good while -if I do get pregnant- my body will no longer belong solely to me. It will house my child for the better part of a year, and then feed my child beyond that. From there my daily energies, wants, and needs become my child's needs above and before my own.

I'm ready for this, but as I said, I only just realized I have to seriously redefine what I feel is important, and start thinking of the child first, even before I get pregnant. My body needs to be full of vitamins, my health and mind need to be in harmony, by finances and relationships all need to be calm and in order. Above all, I need to really analyze and prepare for all of my routines to change and morph as I go through all of this. The bright point for me is how rewarding I know this will ultimately be, and those drastic changes don't have to be a forever thing either. I also can relax on the knowledge that my husband will be free to care about my needs as I go about sacrificing things for the child's needs in body and mind.

I guess the biggest thing was that, as I picture myself as a mother instead of a young upstart, I look at things I used to care about, or make a big deal about and I scoff at how petty they now seem. So here I am, right on the cusp of my next step of maturity, and it feels damn good, actually. I feel a lot of relief, that's always the reward you get from growing up. You take on new scary responsibilities, but you're armed with the permission to grow up, you're not in the dark anymore, the confidence builds up behind you and that relaxes you.

It's like an "ah ha!" moment. Even just writing this out, gives me cause to stop, sigh, and smile.

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